"Pissters!" is the third episode of the fifth season of Orange Is the New Black. It is the fifty-fifth episode of the series overall. It premiered on June 9, 2017. It was written by Rebecca Angelo and Lauren Schuker Blum, and directed by Phil Abraham.
Baxter Bayley, having left Litchfield after killing Poussey Washington, starts helping out at his father's dog-dyeing business. Consumed by guilt, Bayley gets drunk and attempts to turn himself in to the police for murder, but they do not take him seriously and instead put him in the tank to sleep it off.
After the photo of the hostage COs leaks online, MCC's president insists that the guards and other law enforcement outside the prison stand down due to the fact that celebrity inmate Judy King is still inside, much to CO Piscatella's impatience. Over loudspeaker, the inmates are invited to list their demands to end the riot.
Leanne Taylor and Angie Rice, still feeling the effects of the drugs from the pharmacy cage, wander into the chapel, where they notice the discarded CO uniforms taken from the hostages. They decide to dress up in the uniforms and go around pantsing other inmates for fun.
Tiffany Doggett manages to trade some candy from the commissary for one of the stolen cell phones. Setting multiple alarms one after the other, she uses the buzzing phone as a vibrator. CO Coates, who managed to hide himself in the ceiling to avoid capture, watches her. Tiffany sees him watching but does not protest.
Piper Chapman and Alex Vause try to help Linda Ferguson (aka "Amelia Von Barlow") pass as an inmate. Alex does not want to waste time dragging Linda around during a riot and tries to convince Piper to leave Linda to her own devices, but Linda, having overheard Piper and Alex's conversation while hiding in the bathroom stall, threatens to report Alex for her involvement in the murder of Aydin Bayat. Piper intimidates Linda back into line, then instructs her to come up with a backstory in case any of the other inmates become suspicious. Using Linda's college experience of being busted with a fake ID, Piper tells her to say she's in prison for forgery. Taking this advice, Linda introduces herself to other inmates as the "Counterfeit Cunt of Connecticut." However, after being forced to experience the prison from the inside, Linda has to reevaluate some of the choices she's made as MCC's director of purchasing. Later, Linda leaves Alex and Piper to help Carrie Black carry food to the hostages, but she accidentally leaves her phone behind. Idly swiping through Linda's photos, Alex and Piper come across a picture of her and Caputo together and realize who she really is.
Taystee, Black Cindy, Janae Watson, and Alison Abdullah start to discuss possible demands to give law enforcement. While Taystee is focused entirely on bringing Bayley to justice for Poussey's death, Alison suggests they also take the opportunity to demand better living conditions in the prison for everyone.
Judy's husband Reg (with whom she has an open relationship), and her boyfriend Bill Montgomery are starting to become agitated when Judy is nowhere to be found, they having been on the scene when the riot began because Judy was set to be released early that day. Not wanting to get any more bad press for MCC, one of the COs on the scene convinces them that Judy will be out in a matter of hours and they ought to go have dinner to pass the time. Both men text Judy's cell phone expressing hope for their imminent reunion, and Bill mentions bringing Judy food from wherever they have dinner. Erica Jones and Anita DeMarco read the texts and mistakenly conclude that Judy is off somewhere private, being pampered while the rest of the prison deals with the riot. Judy is not, in fact, in a private room, but is scared and wandering the prison hallways alone in the dark. She eventually smashes out a window and tries to make a run for it, but is caught by the white supremacist girls and dragged back inside.
Red returns to CO Piscatella's office to continue her search for information, finding Blanca Flores is also there for the same purpose. Red asks if Blanca has found any information about Wes Driscoll - the inmate whose ID card she found among Piscatella's belongings - stating that she believes his are the initials that Piscatella has tattooed on his wrist. As they continue to comb through the files in the office, Red begins to doze off. To keep her alert, Blanca offers some "energy supplements" she found in one of the guard lockers.
Gloria Mendoza, trying to maintain some semblance of order as night falls on the prison (which is still without power), makes everyone dinner in the kitchen. She is joined by Dayanara Diaz, who confesses that she does not have the gun. Gloria responds that it's a good thing because now it's no longer Daya's problem, and tells her to stay close by and out of trouble. Once everyone is gathered at dinner, Taystee and company pass out pens and paper for the other women to write down what demands they want to see delivered to law enforcement. Gloria interrupts the din of discussion to insist that amnesty for riot participants be part of their demands. Later, having shown up to dinner from the medical ward, Suzanne Warren admonishes other inmates for walking over the spot where Poussey died, and uses items on hand to make a boundary to mark this sacred area.
In the pharmacy cage, Nicky Nichols and Lorna Morello Muccio dispense drugs to the other inmates, but do not have anything to help Soso deal with her grief. Nicky, in a roundabout way, confesses to Soso that she is in love with Lorna, who overhears but does not respond.
Taystee, Black Cindy, Alison, Janae, and Maria Ruiz compile a list of ten demands by counting the votes the inmates made at dinner. Taystee is appalled to find that Bayley's arrest is second to last on the list, but Alison reminds her that the list is supposed to be democratic. The final list is posted on the main entrance of the prison:
- Replace all current COs with properly trained ones
- Reinstate the GED program
- Better healthcare
- Conjugal visits
- Amnesty for all involved in the riot, provided there are no casualties
- End to unnecessary searches and the use of solitary confinement
- More work opportunities, a fair wage, and equal treatment
- Internet access
- CO Bayley's arrest and trial for the death of Poussey
- Hot Cheetos and Takis in the commissary, free tampons, and more nutritious food
All of the hostages, except for CO Humphrey, are put back into the bubble, which is being used as a "prison" within the prison. Joel Luschek has urinated on himself, and the inmates mock him for it. The tension is high, and the COs trade blame with Joe Caputo for their situation. The one thing they can agree on is that they are in danger due to the inmates having a gun - until CO Artesian McCullough says she suspects that they don't, in fact, have a gun. The hostages plan to rush the inmates when they are brought food, but as they are about to put the plan in action, Caputo sees his girlfriend Linda among them.
Linda stands in her sorority with her sisters, being ridiculed for having a poor fake ID under the guise of Yolanda Ono from Hawaii. The ID was to be used to purchase six kegs of alcohol. The sorority leader, Meggan, complains that she will now have to do it. Linda apologizes to Meggan, who states that the sorority works together, and if one of them is disappointed, the whole sorority is disappointed. She demands Linda apologize to all of them. The next matter of business is called upon, which is a party taking place that evening. Meggan insists that she simply doesn't care how cold it is, and demands no ugly outerwear clothing is to be worn in her presence. Meggan, Linda, and the rest of the girls prepare for the party.
While at the party, Linda is busy flirting with a boy when Meggan walks over and tells Linda to come outside with her because she needs to urinate. Meggan attempts to urinate in the snow but, drunk and suffering from a urinary tract infection, is having trouble. The same boy Linda was talking to pokes his head out of an upstairs window and urges her to come back inside. Anxious to get back to the party, Linda briefly cheers Meggan on with some of the sorority's slogans and rushes back without waiting for her.
The next day, Meggan is found frozen to death in the snow. A police officer asks Linda what happened, but she does not admit to being the last person outside with Meggan. Linda convinces her sorority as the newly elected leader to pick up their faces and keep on partying, despite being responsible for Meggan's death.
Memorable Quotes Edit
- "Not another word, piss-bitch."
- — Pidge, to Luschek
- "What do you people call it? Bigfoot? Yeti? Hairy, neckless sadist with pituitary issues?"
- — Red, on Piscatella
- "And then you realise you're just hopelessly in love with an incredible, insane, beautiful woman whose never going to love you back."
- — Nichols to Soso about Lorna
- The episode was leaked on April 28, 2017.
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