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Title card: a Netflix Original Series
Piper gives a voice-over while scenes of her bathing/showering throughout her life appear.
Piper [Voice-over] I've always loved getting clean. I love baths. I love showers. It's my happy place.
Scene change: Piper showers inside of a woman's prison.
Piper [Voice-over] Was my happy place.
Man over PA All inmates in D dorm must be checked for lice. Repeat, all inmates in D dorm must be checked for lice.
An inmate, Taystee, walks up to where Piper is showering.
Taystee [Clears throat]
Piper Oh, I'll be out in a sec. I swear.
Taystee Mmm-hmm. I'll wait. There best be some hot water left.
Piper There wasn't very much when I started.
Taystee Mmm-hmm. [She smacks the shower curtain] Man, hurry!
Piper Alright, okay, okay. [She exits the shower] I'm done. I'm out. I'm totally out.
Taystee [Pulls away Piper's towel] Damn, you got some nice titties. [Laughs]
Piper Thank you.
Taystee You got them TV titties. They stand up on they own all perky and everything.
Piper Okay.
Taystee [Noticing Piper's makeshift flip-flops] You know they sell flip-flops at the commissary.
Piper My money's not in yet, so.
Taystee You creative. I give you that, high-tits. [She pulls away Piper's towel again and laughs] Now get the fuck out the way.
Piper Okay
Piper leaves. Taystee enters the shower and starts to sing.
Theme song, "You've Got Time" by Regina Spektor plays.
A few days earlier, Piper, her fiance Larry, her pregnant best friend Polly, and Polly's husband Pete are having a going away party for Piper. Pete and Larry approach a pig-roasting box.
Pete So, there's an entire pig in there?
Larry Yes.
Pete For four of us?
Larry It's a small pig. I really wanted to use the box. It was my birthday present. She's guilty she's leaving. It's a guilt pig-roasting box.
Pete At least you get something. I'm not getting laid for a year, too, but what do I get?
Larry A baby?
Pete But you can't eat it.
Larry [Chuckles]
Polly and Piper sit at a nearby table.
Polly Are we really gonna eat that?
Piper It's thematic.
Polly You're not serving time in Cuba.
Piper Pigs. Cops.
Polly How the fuck are you going to jail tomorrow?
Piper Prison, not jail.
Polly You're missing my shower.
Piper Polly, I'm really sorry.
Polly I know. You focus on how you're gonna maintain your eyebrows behind bars. You may not come back with a unibrow. Am I allowed to cry?
Piper No. Seriously, no.
Polly [Sighs]
Pete and Larry bring the pig to the house.
Larry Okay, we are ready. Everybody inside.
Piper [To Polly] Need a hoist?
Polly Yeah.
Piper Big girl.
Polly [Chuckles]
Piper [She helps Polly up] On to the last supper.
Later that night. Larry and Piper are in their bed.
Piper We gotta do it.
Larry I know. [Sighs] God, we really should not have eaten so much.
Piper I know. Come on, we gotta rally.
Larry Okay.
Piper Make some memories, you know?
Larry Yeah
Piper You need spank-bank material.
Larry Oh, well, I mean, when you say it like that.
Piper Mmm.
The two kiss, about to engage in sexual activity.
Piper Wait, I got...
Larry What?
Piper I gotta pee.
Larry What? No.
Piper Yeah
Larry Really?
Piper I just...
Larry Oh.
Piper I'll be... I'll be right back.
Larry Ugh.
Piper gets up to go to the bathroom.
Larry Hey.
Piper Yeah?
Larry You look beautiful.
Piper Thanks.
Larry [Sighs] Oh! [Grunts, he shakes the covers rapidly] Oh, shit.
The bathroom. Piper sits on the toilet and starts to sob. After a while, she flushes and returns to the bedroom.
Larry What?
Piper You look beautiful, too.
Larry [Clears throat] Come on. Get in.
Piper gets back into bed, and they begin to kiss once more.
Larry Hey. You're crying.
Piper Shh! Just fuck me.
Larry Piper.
Piper Shut up. Please. Please.
Larry Okay.
They continue to kiss.
The next morning. Larry and Piper pull into the Litchfield, New York Federal Correctional Institution parking lot. A guard, Donaldson, drives up beside their car.
Donaldson No visiting today.
Piper Hi, um, I'm here to surrender.
Donaldson Oh, okay, then. [He drives away]
Piper Did he look surprised to you? When I said that I was here to surrender? Didn't he look surprised? Like, "What the hell is she doing here?"
Larry I-I didn't notice.
Piper Well, he looked surprised to me. [She opens up the car mirror] I look like shit. My eyes are all puffy.
Larry You're worried about how you look?
Piper Well, they're gonna know that I was crying. It's a sign of weakness. You can't show any weakness. That's what all of the books said.
Larry Oh, sweetie...
Piper Don't call me sweetie.
Larry Oh, Leonard.
Piper That's better. [She takes off her engagement ring] I can't take it with me.
Larry Oh [He takes the ring] Oh,okay. Right. [He puts the ring in his pocket]
Piper What are you doing?
Larry What?
Piper What are y- You cant put that in your pocket. It's gonna end up at the bottom of the washing machine.
Larry Okay. Um... Where-where would you like me to put it then, Piper?
Piper Up your ass.
Larry There's no room. Apparently my head's already up there.
Piper I'm sorry.
Larry It's okay. You know what? [He takes out his wallet] I'm gonna put it in my wallet. Okay? And when i get home, I will out it in your jewelry box. [Jokingly] Until I'm short on rent, then I may hock it. But I'll try to get it back before you're out. [He takes her hand]
Piper We should go.
Larry Okay.
Piper sighs, and they exit the car.
Inside the prison, C.O. Maxwell checks Piper in.
Maxwell [On the phone] Self-surrender. Yeah, well, no one told me either. Got the paperwork right here. Name is Chapman. Yeah. Chap, like when your lips get all dry they're chapped. [To Piper and Larry] Have a seat. [On the phone] Piper, rhymes with sniper.
Larry and Piper take a seat.
Man over PA Inmate Robinson to the visitor area.
Larry [Sighs] You hungry?
Piper Not really.
Woman over PA Guard Thompson to the tower.
Larry [He pulls out a wrapped sandwich and offers it to Piper] Eat anyway. It's burrata.
Piper Aw. [She takes it] Thank you.
Larry takes out a sandwich for himself and they get ready to eat.
Piper My mother told her friends I'm doing volunteer work in Africa.
Larry [Chuckles] I bet they're all appalled you've gone somewhere so filthy and dangerous.
Flashback: Piper and Larry tell her family she is going to prison.
Piper So I never carried drugs. Just money.
Carol You were a lesbian?
Piper At the time.
Cal You still a lesbian?
Piper No, I'm not still a lesbian.
Larry

You sure?

Celeste I once kissed Mary Straley when I was at Miss Porter's school. But it wasn't for me.
Cal Wow.
Bill Did you know about all this?
Larry No. No, no, I didn't. [Clears throat] I mean, she told me how she traveled after college, but she failed to mention the lesbian lover who ran an international drug smuggling ring. Imagine my surprise.
Celeste What on earth did you do with the money?
Piper Well, Grandmother, I wasn't really in it for the money.
Celeste Oh, Piper, for heaven's sake!

Cal chuckles.

End of flashback. Present time, inside the prison.

Piper So this is my last post as a free woman.
Larry What are you gonna write?
Maxwell Hey! Uh-uh. Oh, no. You cannot have a phone in here. This is a federal facility. You have to take that out.
Piper Oh, can I? Am I allowed to go out?
Maxwell He can take it out.
Piper So no phone?
Larry You knew that.
Maxwell Now.
Piper Oh, my God, Larry, by the time I get out, there'll have been, like, three new generations of iPhones.
Maxwell Sir, I can get an officer to escort you out.
Larry No, I'm going. It's okay, I'm going okay? I'll be right back, okay? I'll take the phone to the car. I'll be right back. Okay? Two seconds. Yeah?
Piper Okay.
Larry Two seconds. [The two kiss, and Larry leaves.]
Bell Chapman!
Piper Yes. Yes, that's me. But you have to wait. 
Bell You're telling me what I have to do? Get your ass over here, Chapman, now. Move it.
Piper He's, he's gonna be right back. We've been waiting here for two hours.
Bell And the wait is over. Here's your temporary ID, you'll stick this on your uniform when we get to that. Now -
Larry [Larry enters.] Here. I'm here. Here I am.
Piper Here he is.
Bell Who's this?
Piper My fiance.
Bell Yeah? Good luck with that.
Piper Excuse me?
Bell Any personal items?
Piper Here. [Piper hands Bell a manilla folder.]
Bell You can't take this check.
Piper But we called last week. And they told me to bring it.
Bell He has to send it to Iowa. It takes a few weeks to process.
Larry A few weeks? Doesn't she need to buy things?
Bell How it is.
Piper Where do we send it?
Bell Hey, you got that Iowa address? Any Nudie Judies in here? Skin pics? Naughty stuff?
Piper No. No Nudie Judies.
Bell Time to say goodbye. It might be a while till you can visit, fiance.
Piper and Larry embrace.
Piper I love you so much.
Larry I love you, too!
PIper I'll call you as soon as I can.
Larry Okay.
Piper Okay? Please send that check immediately.
Larry Okay. I will.
Piper I love you. Please keep my website updated. I love you so much.
Larry sobs.
Piper It's okay. [Piper and Larry kiss.] It's okay.
Larry leaves, and Piper takes a deep breath.

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