"Fucksgiving" is the ninth episode of the first season of Orange Is the New Black. It is the ninth episode of the series overall. It premiered on July 11, 2013. It was written by Sian Heder and directed by Michael Trim.
Nicky is uncharacteristically peeling carrots in the kitchen. Red asks why she isn’t at work and Nicky explains that Luschek didn’t show up. Red thinks it is strange that Nicky is helping her and says if she really wants to help she can help Gina with the Thanksgiving turkeys. Red spots a bag of drugs hidden in her lettuce shipment from Neptune’s Produce and knows Mendez is responsible. She hides the bag in her apron and flushes the drugs down the toilet.
In the salon, Sophia washes Piper's hair and Piper loves having someone touch her hair, having missed human contact. Sophia says the body gets lonely in prison and that human beings aren’t supposed to live like this. She says she’s been here for two years and still reaches out for her wife sometimes. Piper says she was thinking about Sophia’s relationship with her wife, Crystal, saying that she doesn’t know how she would react if Larry announced that he wanted to become a woman. Piper thinks she would be open to it but that Larry would make an ugly girl. Sister Ingalls is also in the salon and asks if Larry is going to be visiting Piper that day, adding that first holidays in prison can be rough.
Gloria makes a concoction for Daya to take to abort the baby. She says Daya might get diarrhea and get sick from it. Daya drinks it while Maria enters the bunk, depressed about having just given birth to her baby and having it taken from her.
Pennsatucky is in the laundry room praying out loud for God to accept dead babies and their souls even if they were not baptized. Leanne is transcribing what Pennsatucky is saying, answering her fanmail. Alex is surprised that she has fans, but Leanne defends her, saying she is a hero who defends the unborn. Pennsatucky says she will be out of prison by 2015 before the rapture. Alex quips back pointing out that the rapture was supposed to happen in 2011. Pennsatucky stands her ground saying that it comes in two stages, 2011 was the spiritual rapture, and the second one will be physical. She says Alex won't be allowed on the rapture bus because she is a lesbian. Alex asks if all the seats have been taken by Appalachian methheads, which angers Pennsatucky more. She says she has had it with rich bitches like Alex.
Mendez tells the inmates that there will be no thanksgiving suicides. Piper is making a banner that reads “We’ll miss you Taystee” and Alex comes over to help hang it. Alex says she hates seeing people go because it reminds her how much time she has left. In prison, Taystee enters to chants of her name and is really excited to be getting out. The group of black inmates, including Taystee, all start dancing. Alex and Piper do jokey dance moves, and then dance together more sexually. Pennsatucky protests to a watching Mendez that that is lesbian activity, and Mendez is turned on by it. She reports the situation to Healy and she lies and says she saw Piper and Alex having sex in the shower. When Healy sees the pair dancing, he gets irrationally angry and sends Piper to the SHU for ‘attempted rape’. Even Mendez thinks this is uncalled for, but Healy is adamant. Piper is even more upset because she has visitation with Larry that day. She is taken to the SHU, and will be in there until they decide to let her out.
Taystee admits to Poussey that she is scared to leave. Poussey assures her that there’s nothing out there scarier than prison. Taystee says that she has been in institutions her whole life, was a ward of the state, and then was in juvie; she doesn’t have any skills. Miss Claudette assures Taystee that she is smart and has a lot to offer. Having learned a lot at her library job, she knows more than Miss Claudette’s public defender. Taystee agrees but says in the real world she would need to have schooling to get a job like that.
Suzanne is having visitation with her parents who are both white, suggesting she may be adopted. They are discussing relatives flying in for the holidays. They don’t like her hairstyle but Suzanne defends it.
Sophia’s wife Crystal is visiting. She says there is a nice new pastor at her church. He is good with their son, Michael, and it appears that she is interested in having a relationship with him. Crystal doesn’t want to talk about it but Sophia wants to know more. Sophia doesn’t like the idea of having a strange man around her wife and son.
Larry is checking in for visitation, but Fischer tells him Piper is in the SHU and is not allowed visitation that day. He asks what she did to get in there but she is not allowed to say. Larry leaves his number for her to give to Healy. Meanwhile, Piper is pacing back and forth in her SHU cell, hearing screams and cries from other cells.
Pennsatucky is telling Leanne a story about a friend who barbequed a bald eagle when Alex interrupts, kisses her and thanks for last night, lying that Pennsatucky performed oral sex on her, attempting to make her look foolish to get back at her.
Mendez is in the kitchen looking for his drugs. He asks Red where they are; she says she doesn’t know. Red asks if he stopped the delivery truck, Mendez says maybe one of her girls told him about her methods for smuggling in contraband. Red claims her girls wouldn’t say anything to him, to which he raises his eyebrows. Red says he can stick his head in the toilet, because a few of his pills could still be in there. Mendez orders her to put his drugs aside the next shipment. Red says Tricia is in detox so Caputo must be suspicious of him. Mendez says he won’t seem suspicious, because everything contraband is coming through Red’s kitchen so the guilt would fall on her. To add insult to injury, Mendez pees in the vat of gravy, ruining it.
Larry calls the prison trying to get a hold of the warden to get Piper out of the SHU, saying his father is a lawyer and he knows this is a violation of Piper’s rights. He says he will file a lawsuit if he cannot talk to someone, but they say it is a holiday and disconnect the call. Larry tells Cal it doesn’t feel right to host thanksgiving without Piper and thinks they should cancel. Cal says that Piper got herself sent to prison and that he has done everything he could. He says Piper is probably fine and she would be thrilled that he is hosting Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, Healy visits Piper in the SHU and says he tried to be nice to her, but she needed a time out. Healy says Alex is sick and Piper is not like her. Piper responds saying he is the sick one, and that Healy is jealous because he had feelings for her. She goes off on him saying he doesn’t get her at all and tells him to go fuck himself.
Alex’s mattress has gone missing, and Leanne knowingly giggles. Alex talks to CO O’Neill about it while CO Bell is buttoning up her shirt, insinuating the two were carrying on their affair. He says they issue only one mattress per inmate and she can file a document to ask for another one.
Daya says she feels like she is dying and Aleida gives her something to soothe her stomach. Aleida told Gloria to mess with Daya and give her a drink that would make her feel sick, but is ineffective at aborting the baby. Aleida says she knows she has screwed up, but feels proud that she had children who can make something of themselves, adding that babies give people hope.
Piper must shower handcuffed in the SHU with a guard watching. She gets a meal of moldy bologna. She hears a voice from the next cell saying “I found a maggot” and asking “Are you real?”. Meanwhile, Alex emerges from a shower to find that Pennsatucky has broken Alex's glasses.
Taystee is packing her things and telling Sophia all the things she is going to do when she gets out. CO Maxwell asserts that Taystee needs to leave immediately or she can’t get out until Monday. Taystee wants to say goodbye to Poussey but she is not around. As Taystee is being escorted to the van Poussey gets her attention from the window, and Taystee dances her way to freedom.
Larry is hosting Thanksgiving dinner at his parents’ house. Pete and Polly are there with the new baby as well as NPR talk show host Maury Kind who is recently divorced. Larry says he loves Maury’s show, and Pete says Maury loved Larry’s article.
Down in the SHU, the voice on the other side of the wall says that she has been down here for 9 months or a year, its hard to keep track of time when they keep the lights on all the time. The voice adds that you start to see things that aren’t there and hear voices. Piper is regretting what she had said to Healy earlier, fearing he will never let her out.
In the laundry room, Alex is trying to repair her glasses. Alex tells Nicky that Pennsatucky smashed them because she doesn’t like Alex’s rich girl attitude, but says in reality rich girls tortured her throughout childhood. She says Nicky would have been one of those. Alex guesses says that Nicky lived on the Upper West Side and went on expensive vacations. Alex believes Nicky would have been the perfect drug mule because she is used to having a lot of money, has lots of passport stamps to help avoid suspicion, hates her parents, and seeks adventure. Nicky disagrees, saying she would have done all the drugs instead. Nicky asks if Piper had all of those rich-girl qualities, but Alex claims she was different.
Sophia confides in Sister Ingalls that her wife Crystal wants to date her pastor and the Sister thinks Sophia should give her blessing. She points out that Sophia will be in prison for another 3 years and 8 months and that Crystal deserves some happiness.
At Larry’s Thanksgiving dinner, Polly asks Cal’s girlfriend Neri what she does for a living; she is a hyperbaric welder. Cal asks if Polly ate her placenta, claiming that the nutrients are supposed to be great. Maury tells Larry that he enjoyed his column and Larry asks if Maury would ever consider having him on his show. Maury says they are working on a show about atypical long-distance relationships and that Larry’s story could work for that.
In the dinner line, Big Boo asks why there is no gravy, and Gina doesn’t know why Red threw it out because she said it tasted fine to her. Red looks horrified. Yoga Jones, Poussey and Big Boo are giving thanks and Sister Ingalls says grace. Alex says it doesn’t feel right to be eating while Piper is in the SHU. Down the hill, Piper gets a meal that she says looks like 3 different meals mashed together. She asks the voice on the other side of the wall if she got the same dinner, but no voice is heard, leaving Piper wondering if the voice was just in her head.
Caputo tells Healy that he must release Piper. He says Healy was making it personal and there is no reason for her to be down there. Caputo wants to avoid making waves and getting sued.
Gloria apologizes to Daya for purposefully brewing her an ineffective potion. Daya says she is actually relieved and wants to keep the baby but doesn’t want Bennett to get in trouble. Aleida is happy to be a grandmother and says they’ll figure something out. Meanwhile, Sophia calls her wife, having had a change of heart and gives her blessing. Sophia is later seen in the medication line, and her old dosage of hormone medications has been reinstated. On the outside, Taystee shows up at the apartment her cousin told her to go to. The tenant does not want her to stay there, but lets her sleep in the corner on the floor.
Fischer gives Larry’s phone number to Healy. Healy calls, saying he has some information for Larry that he may find interesting, presumably about Piper’s relationship with Alex.
Piper is out of the SHU and has a confident strut when she is back on the main floor. Piper grabs Alex, takes her to the chapel where the two kiss and proceed to have sex.
Note: Flashbacks are arranged in chronological order, not the order in which they occur on the show.
A flashback reveals that Alex grew up poor. Alex is seen as a young child, dressed in raggedy clothes and knockoff Adidas shoes. She is being made fun of by her schoolmates for her attire and they call her 'pigsty', saying that she smells. Alex mentions that her mom works four jobs, and the bullies say that's not something to be proud of. Her mom picks her up in a beat up car, and Alex throws her shoes out the window because she doesn’t want to be made fun of anymore. Her mom says to ignore those kids, and to tell them how her father is a famous rockstar. Alex asks, “If he is so rich and famous, why are we broke?” Her mother orders Alex to get her sneakers, saying everyone else has boring lives but Alex is cool and the other girls will wish they were her.
Years later, she meets her father backstage at his concert for the first time. He and his bandmates are clearly past their prime, and are ragged and worn from a lifetime of rockstar living and drug use. He is happy to meet her and amazed he has a kid, but says he never would have recognized her which is good because he could have accidentally had sex with her as she has a serious rack. Alex seems disappointed and creeped out by him, and needs a moment alone in the bathroom to compose herself. When she exits, she meets a man named Fahri, who was sitting with the band. He can tell that Alex’s father is not what she imagined him to be. He asks her if she wants some drugs, which she declines. When she asks why Fahri is there, he says he works for an international drug cartel and these are some of his clients. This appears to be the beginning of Alex and Fahri’s business relationship.
- "She a lesbian. They lesbianing together!"
- — Pennsatucky to Healy about Piper and Alex
- "Fuck Jessica Wedge."
- — Diane Vause to Alex Vause, talking about her childhood bully.
- Kelis - Milkshake (Piper and Alex dancing)
- Giuseppe Verdi Il Trovatore, Act III: “D Qual Tetra Luce” (Red listening to it in the kitchen when Pornstache enters)
- Love as Laughter - Stakes Avenue (Flashback scene when Alex meets her dad)
- Pantera - Proud to be Loud (Flashback scene when Alex meets her dad)
- The Helio Sequence - The Measure (Thanksgiving dinner at Larry’s)
- Leagues - Walking Backwards (Credits)